With that decided...........

Thanks to my wonderful friends who have made me realize the true intent of this blog and that it doesn't matter if you have no comments, I still want to keep it up cuz it's fun and I get to update whoever reads it on what is going on in life. Right now, I would call this week Hell Week. It has seriously been the hardest, most horrible week ever. It was year end at work and that means every single dentist office calls in for support which means endless calls, super stress and LONG wait times. It also means getting yelled at and insulted for hours from people who expect a professional but they cannot act like one. Added to that stress is me going on yet another diet and trying to be healthier and not eat things that are bad for my body so that leaves a whole lot of stuff out that I cannot eat like my precious Mt. Dew. I realize I have a serious addiction to it so i am going to think of it like alcohol addiction and not even let myself have some on the weekends. It is no more Dew for me. It's very very sad. But all the weight gain I have been dealing with and everything else it's getting to much to deal with and so I need to start taking control of life and make it better. I saw my dr. yesterday for advice and she is referring me to a dietitian. I just want to be healthy and actually feel good and have energy. It is really really hard and I just want to eat. I feel so hungry and I hate not having my fav foods. But it will be worth it. I feel so emotional though. I seem to cry constantly from everything coming at me at once and it's so overwhelming. i am hoping it slows down in all aspects so that i can finally chill. Marty is the best hubby though. All he has to do is give me one of his famous "marty hugs" as I like to call it and I feel instantly better. Everything is better with marty around. He just makes me so happy and he puts up with my weirdness and stubborn nature. Just seeing him makes me feel so much love I can't describe it. He is such a good guy. I feel so blessed to have him in my life every single day. I am very grateful for my kids too. They are the best and I love coming home to see them everyday after work and get big hugs and hear about their day. I don't know what I would do without them to entertain me. Ok, I will not mush anymore. Gotta take more calls..............sigh*

Stay here?

I am still trying to decide whether to keep this blog alive anymore. I don't really feel like anyone reads it and there's no point anymore. If you want to see this stay up and going, comment on it. Show me the love.

No comments??

Not feeling the love people. :(

Emotional, need advice.

If life got any busier I might get too busy to remember to breathe. Seriously. I haven't written in a while due to being that busy and also trying to catch up on all the past stuff I wanted to write about but don't know where to start so it never got done. Today I just feel like venting. Sorry. I don't know what is wrong with me but it's seriously starting to get bad. Lately I have been gaining a lot of weight. I don't know why. Ever since I ended that HCG diet, I started gaining and it hasn't stopped and that scares the you know what out of me. I am TERRIFIED of being really fat. Always have been. I know I am not skinny, I have my muffin top and I was ok with it a little, but when I kept gaining without doing anything to make myself gain then I have been really scared that it's going to just keep piling on and it won't stop until I look like Santa Clause. (Nice hint about Christmas huh?) haha! I changed my diet a lot. I stopped drinking my soda, I stopped eating really bad and tried to eat healthier and it's still just piling on. I have been asked "why are you so scared of being fat?" Well, I love myself a lot more cuz I am not all chunky, I find I feel better and healthier, I look way gorgeous when i am skinny and the last but not least, I am scared that if I get too fat marty might not find me sexy anymore and that is the big killer there. (I know marty would never do that but even while knowing that, I am still scared of it ya know?) It's stressing me out more then normal, and with work being extra busy and the daylight savings time and waking up extra early so that I can get off earlier so I can spend more time with my kids.......it has started overflowing in the emotional department. Twice in 2 weeks I had had a meltdown at work where I have had to stop stop taking calls for about 30 minutes and just bawl my eyes out, and I think it's starting to scare my co workers cuz I really don't usually do this. Hell, it's starting to worry ME. And don't even think it, I am not pregnant. No more babies for me. It's been permanently taken care of. I just feel so out of control and I hate that. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to make it all better. It doesn't help that I don't have time to really relax either. Or talk to friends. I had just gotten myself all calmed down today after a REALLY difficult call where this guy was purposely being the biggest dick on the planet and had burst into tears (again, that usually doesn't happen, I get mad, I don't cry) and then marty comes down to talk to me and I lose it again and have to take another half hour to calm myself down again. All I could think of before he came down was, I just need marty, he will make me feel better. He always makes everything ok when things go wrong. So it was nice to have him come down and let me cry it out on his shoulder. It's really embarrassing to go through this in front of my coworkers cuz it's a different side of me that usually never gets shown. I hate it cuz I don't like to show weakness. If I could just get a hold of my frickin emotions, if my weight would stop piling on, and the calls would just slow down at work, I think i might be ok but right now, I don't see an end in sight. That is my current dilemma. Nice huh? Any advice would be great cuz I need it bad.

Want some more?????

Well I saw this and I am bored at work so i am going to do it even though I haven't been "tagged". Here it is:

Four Shows I Watch:
1. Vampire Diaries!!!!!
2. House
3. Lie to me
4. Family Guy

Four Things I'm Passionate About:
1. Making sure my kids and hubby NEVER feel like they are not loved
2. Living my life the way I want to
3. Love
4. Being happy

Four Phrases I Say A Lot:
1. "I love you"
2. "Go stupid!!!!!" (to the stupid drivers when they fail to push the gas pedal like they should) haha!
3. "Seriously?"
4. "Dude!" :)

Four Things I've Learned from the Past:
1. Don't judge people just because they live differently then you
2. Live the way that makes you happy cuz being miserable is not acceptable
3. Stop worrying so much about people think of you
4. Learn from your mistakes and try to make it better

Four Places I Would Like to Go:
1. Australia
2. Cancun
3. New Zealand
4. Greece

Four Things I Did Yesterday:
1. went to work.
2. complained about work
3. came home and ran some errands
4. Made fun of my adorable daughter for falling asleep while listening to Christmas songs in her room (she has listened to it NONSTOP since I got it a few days ago.)

Four Things I'm Looking Forward to:
1. Thanksgiving
2. Christmas
3. Losing weight
4. Next year and it's adventures!!

Four Things I Love About Winter:
1. The snow
2. Hoodies to cover my muffin top
3. watching marty get so so excited about doing doughnuts in the parking lots before going to work
4. Christmas

Four Things on My Wish List:
1. A flat screen tv
2. A new camera
3. For my kids and hubby to always be happy
4. To be skinny again

Just a bit of info

Just a little bit of info to tide you over while I try to piece together 3 months worth of happenings. Wow. It's going to be fun ;). (Again, thank you Courtney)

1. I am soooo excited for Christmas! I love shopping for the kids and for myself. (I hate shopping for marty cuz I always get the wrong things then I am sad that he didn't get what he really wanted. So I make him shop for himself hehe)

2. I wish that I could eat whatever I want to eat without worrying about how much I am going to gain from it. It seems the older I get, the harder I have to try and keep the weight off. I hate calories and fat!

3. I like chocolate, photography, Mt. Dew, my family, my tattoo, money, doughnuts, people with a sense of humor, a good massage, losing weight, Target, babies, Vampire Diaries, Fettuccine, and laughing!!!

4. I can read faster then a smart college student.

5. I hope that one day I will have a black Ram truck, more money and a better house

6. I think that I have the greatest husband in the whole entire world, he always takes care of me while i'm sick , makes me laugh when I am sad, always holds my hand and never ever lets me down. (Totally stolen from Court. but it's exactly how I feel with marty so you get the idea)

7. I am terrified of being alone at night. The dark scares the crap out of me, and the small noises make me want to cry. (Especially after watching Paranormal Activity) haha!

Ready?

Ok I know I haven't been on here in a while. It has been so crazy in life that I really have not had the time. I have so much to catch up on. I need to update everyone on Hawaii, New York, new sister in law, Halloween, my birthday, and everything else in between. Get ready for a lot of new posts! I am about to spew it all! lol